brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
