handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
