Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
