Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
be right there i have to get my cape
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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