Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
