woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know her cup size but not her name....
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