when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
