I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I did not marry a roomba.
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