If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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