That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
