Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
