i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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