Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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