Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
