hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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