i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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