you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
