I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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