I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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