I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
