The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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