She is in my trunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
