I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
