Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my liver is dry heaving
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
