Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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