I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it because I queefed?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
