I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
