Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
