By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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