Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
