I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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