yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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