Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
