I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
