If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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