two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
