Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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