um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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