She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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