Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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