dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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