Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
