Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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