How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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