just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
