You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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