awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
