I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
