I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
