If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My friends, they love my intelligence
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
