this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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