dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
