Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
