I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
