i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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