booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
