I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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