I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
