I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
