your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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