I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
