I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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