I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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