And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
