Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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