my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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