i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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