why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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