"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
