Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
