Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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