plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
