nut hugger
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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