used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
