it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
