and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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