great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
