I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
